As Charlotte York so poignantly said in the first episode of Sex in the City’s third season, “I've been dating since I was fifteen. I'm exhausted. Where is he?”
Although I haven’t been dating quite as long as she has (at least not men), I share her frustration because dating to put it simply… Can be a bitch! It seems easy on paper and honestly, after dating women, I thought this would be a piece of cake, given most of the pretense is lifted with guys. The rules are out the door and there’s no need to play mister nice guy until he puts out on the third date. Just two guys enjoying each other’s company and relieving the pressure at the end of the night.
But by relieving the pressure, have we actually put more pressure on each other and missed out on our soulmate in the process?
Honestly, I’m beginning to buy into that theory and here’s why… My female friends assure me that women like sex just as much as men, but the fear of being labeled as easy or losing the suitor’s respect often keeps them from even thinking about going down that road on the first date. On the flipside, most men don’t initially use sex as a power play and have no problem going there, but once you’ve went there all of the mystery disappears and there is little to no foundation to expand upon.
It is singlehandedly the reason why I refuse to have sex with a guy on the first date unless I don’t see it progressing to anything more than just a meaningless fuck. However, that in itself can present another problem, which makes this dating thing even more difficult than anyone can imagine.
For example, I remember going out with a guy earlier this year and we seem to connect on all cylinders, but I didn’t make a move at the end of the night and as a result, he assumed I wasn’t interested.
It’s hard to fathom that the mere fact that I didn’t try to get into his pants within a few hours of meeting completely erased the great dinner and conversation we had and cost me a second date with a guy that I wanted to continue getting to know, BUT IT DID.
This is what makes dating difficult and frustrating as a gay man. We are thinking with the wrong head and suffering dearly for it. Not to mention this sex-crazed way of thinking puts you in the uncomfortable position of being forced to move at a faster pace than normal to keep your suitor’s interest.
Simply put, gay men have to do better. We have to be honest with the people we are dating, with ourselves and about what we are looking for in a spouse. Most importantly, we have to look at ourselves forcefully in the mirror and examine whether we are rejecting stereotypes or giving credence to them. - XOXO Blazing J
Although I haven’t been dating quite as long as she has (at least not men), I share her frustration because dating to put it simply… Can be a bitch! It seems easy on paper and honestly, after dating women, I thought this would be a piece of cake, given most of the pretense is lifted with guys. The rules are out the door and there’s no need to play mister nice guy until he puts out on the third date. Just two guys enjoying each other’s company and relieving the pressure at the end of the night.
But by relieving the pressure, have we actually put more pressure on each other and missed out on our soulmate in the process?
Honestly, I’m beginning to buy into that theory and here’s why… My female friends assure me that women like sex just as much as men, but the fear of being labeled as easy or losing the suitor’s respect often keeps them from even thinking about going down that road on the first date. On the flipside, most men don’t initially use sex as a power play and have no problem going there, but once you’ve went there all of the mystery disappears and there is little to no foundation to expand upon.
It is singlehandedly the reason why I refuse to have sex with a guy on the first date unless I don’t see it progressing to anything more than just a meaningless fuck. However, that in itself can present another problem, which makes this dating thing even more difficult than anyone can imagine.
For example, I remember going out with a guy earlier this year and we seem to connect on all cylinders, but I didn’t make a move at the end of the night and as a result, he assumed I wasn’t interested.
It’s hard to fathom that the mere fact that I didn’t try to get into his pants within a few hours of meeting completely erased the great dinner and conversation we had and cost me a second date with a guy that I wanted to continue getting to know, BUT IT DID.
This is what makes dating difficult and frustrating as a gay man. We are thinking with the wrong head and suffering dearly for it. Not to mention this sex-crazed way of thinking puts you in the uncomfortable position of being forced to move at a faster pace than normal to keep your suitor’s interest.
Simply put, gay men have to do better. We have to be honest with the people we are dating, with ourselves and about what we are looking for in a spouse. Most importantly, we have to look at ourselves forcefully in the mirror and examine whether we are rejecting stereotypes or giving credence to them. - XOXO Blazing J
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